I (finally) love Chicago!

It wasn’t until very recently that I felt like I was living in the right place, or that I was going to make it here at all. Chicago, like any big city, is daunting when you first arrive. There are people everywhere, it’s noisy and the lingering smell of urine, oily cta rails and chocolate cake often fill the air.

Growing up, living in a big city meant traffic zipping by and high-heels clicking on concrete, just like I had seen in the movies. Perhaps I would find a rat in my run-down-but-still-charming apartment, which would definitely include a surly-but-lovable door man named Hank. Hank and I would try to get rid of it (which would mean Hank chasing the rat with a broom and me standing on my kitchen table, squealing), but I would end up keeping it as a pet, on account of being a quirky city-girl. I would name the rat Hank Jr., after Hank the door man (who reluctantly grew to like me, due to my insatiable clumsy charm) and the three of us would live in sitcom-like bliss.

Unfortunately for me, the first time I saw a rat was behind the mexican restaurant on my block that I frequented, and it turned me off of burritos for well over a year. I have never had a door man, and it turns out that my clumsy charm is only charming to about 25% of the population. I’m naturally anxious, easily over-stimulated and have always had a deep, burning hatred for large crowds. The humor in my moving to one of the largest cities in the country is not lost on me.  The romantic fantasy of city life that I’ve been obsessed with since childhood, however, meant that I would inevitably live in one. It also meant that all of my romantic fantasies about living in a big city would inevitably be crushed.

I questioned my decision to pick up and move to Chicago the moment I watched a man throw up on the Clark bus during my morning commute. With the exception of the preschooler who kept screaming “He puked!”, nobody else seemed phased. It horrified me that public vomiting was something that someone could be desensitized to. I wondered if I was in over my head in this city; people can be pushy, parking can be nearly impossible, the train is often wall-to-wall with every person who I would rather claw my own eyes out than be pressed up against for 20 minutes. Despite all of its beauty and splendor, Chicago can be a total bitch.

I’ve always been wary of people who rave, unabashedly, about how much they “love the city”.  Surely I’m not the only one who has a love/hate relationship with my surroundings. Don’t make me feel like a freak by only having positive experiences and never talking about the crazy guy outside of Starbucks who yelled at you for not giving him all of your spare change. ‘I can see quarters in there! You got a job, don’t be stingy!’ But this afternoon, while I was sitting outside, eating my lunch on this beautiful almost-fall day, something happened.

It dawned on me, mid-turkey club, that I like it here. I’m no longer overwhelmed by the sea of humanity that lives outside of my apartment, and I find joy in exploring the neighborhoods, culture and people around me. I don’t remember when it happened, there is no one crystalizing moment that I can reminisce about. It snuck up on me, but today I actually said, out loud, how much I love this city. Yes, Chicago can be a bitch. But so can I, and people still love me.

Instead of questioning my new found love for Chicago and waiting for the other shoe to fall, I’m going to relish in how excited I am. I (finally) have a good sense of direction and can navigate my way around by car, bike and public transportation at least 98% of the time. I can even give other people directions from time to time. I can get mexican food at 2 am, I’m surrounded by art and culture, and am never at a loss for people-watching. I can buy toilet paper, booze and gatorade on the corner at all hours and, most importantly, I can get to most of my friends’ apartments in under 10 minutes.

I’m sure there will be plenty of days in the future when I still want to claw my own eyes out, and possibly the eyes of everyone around me. When that day comes, I will reference this blog entry and realize that I will probably feel that way regardless of where I live.I may feel differently tomorrow, or in ten minutes for that matter, but for right now, I love this bitch of a city.